I don't know what happened...

Really.. i don't know what really happened that night... but i knew she was crying non-stop til the next daybz ke?. Phones were off... smses not replied... lastly i tried the house phone... no answer. I was getting ready to go over there... i received an sms... i guess she knew i was going to go check on her so she replied to avoid me going. That's fine.. at least i know something.

I didn't ask what happened... she'll tell if she wants to without me asking... so ended up.. i got to know only the surface of it. I was 'there' the whole day of yesterday... virtually there coz it was thru YM. Managed to get her out of the house for an hour to go eat.. she didn't eat for 2 days. That was a huge relief... I think she's dealing with it well... or she must have been a good actress to convince me so (i shud hv followed her when she went on set before so i'd know how she is when she's acting).

Nyssa YMed at noon.. cahya and Zaf was on ym in the evening... chatted with them. Zaf & Cahya asked me to join them for buka puasa... i thought i cud spend some time with them... but they didn't have a proper plan for it so i decided not to go coz it'll take up more time trying to suit it to their so-called 'plan' and i'll be very tired ... i hv to allocate my time (and energy) to finish up my assignments. So i cancelled on them. So i ended up staying online the whole day except for half an hour break at maghrib and 1&half hour break to take my fren out to eat. I logged off around 2am.


Skool...
Assignments are very exhausting... mentally exhausting. The physical work of typing is not so much... it's the reading and googling and especially thinking critically. A few times i had to lay back and shut my eyes for a few minutes to do some 'defragmentation' of my harddrive hehehe... and all that was to write a 2-page issue paper! My frens say i do it fast.. i just need to sit with my laptop (or sometimes one of their laptops) for an hour and i'd get one issue paper. Well, it was not that fast when u consider the thinking and the drafts i did in my head over the last 5 days... the one hour was just to put what's already in my head in writing. Finally, I had it completed an hour ago... 3 pages... i can't make it any shorter. I think i had submitted 4 isssue papers before... now is the 5th one... final one. Then the final assignment for this subject would be the term paper.. which requires more work... i'll do it during Raya.*sigh*


Relative...
These past few days, i've been receiving smses from my cousin... but i had never replied her smses except once when she used another number and pretended to be a chinese sending sms wrongly to my number. Nut case! She 'talks' a lot in the smses.. but when she meets us (btw, she send smses to every other relative including my dad) in person... she is so quiet and never talk about anything... she rarely talks... she'll just hover around. Creepy! I try not to be too friendly... I'd just be adequately courteous (hehe) when i see her.


Raya is around the corner...
well, i don't actually celebrate as i used to... Raya for me is just plainly a celebration after a month of fasting (minus the few days i missed). It's about feeling blessed with what we have and the fact that I'm a Muslim. Well, our people have turned it to a huge celebration where we spend a lot to make people happy...

Irony, after a month of humbling oneself and realizing that there are less fortunate people... we decide to spend excessively on clothes and home furnishing to impress guests coming to visit... so u cn hv conversations of how much u bought all the stuffs or whther the designs are current... than it will lead to talking about how ur least favored fren bought the so off-season clothes or curtains. I guess all the satans are finally released and they went back to work with high determination... at least the satan has that kind dedication and commitment to their job that we rarely see in our kind.

I'm not opposing to the celebration... just don't over do it. I love the fact that it gathers the family and we go over to frens houses to spend quality time catching up. What you wear should not matter so much.. i know we're suppose to look nice and all... but if what u're wearing make others feel bad about what they're wearing... it won't feel so nice (well, of course they won't tell u that).

For me.. currentlly, Raya is the time of forgiveness and love... just being there with ur family (whoever is available on the day) and spending some quality time. it can be a few hours... or for some it may take a few days. Sometimes... a phone call with members of the family is good enough especially if u're far away.


Toywatch...
J got a toywatch as her bday present from the Diva. It is a nice watch.. i like it. Then, as usual KE & KU will get into the current trend first (although people of the world is saying toywatch is way over, it just reached our region).. KU got a red one.. which is also nice.. i like this one more now but the strap is so not what i wud like. it's beautiful. I told a fren about the toywatch & showed her the mms of the red watch i got from KE hehehe... She told me to go and get one for myself. Hahaha! The more expensive tshirts i wear... she bought it for me... i'd never buy them for myself.

Shud hv known that i'm not one to spend so much on a thing.. especially spending money that is not mine... money provided by my parents and brother. To spend their money on stuff that they themselves wouldn't buy wud make me feel very guilty. If i wanted it so much i would ask from my dad for it and if he won't give in i'd bargain so i can pay him in installments even if i have the money now... that way, it won't be seen as excessive spending on my part since i commit myself to pay the installments. My parents always wants me to make every single Ringgit important... i wud appreciate more if i hv to earn it the hard way. I'm glad they brought me up that way.

They have the money to spend... they earned the money... they can spend it to own whatever things they like. For me, i'm yet to earn my own money... so i shud not be spending. And as for the toywatch.. yes i like it... but to own it is not what i want... i can just look at it and appreciate it. I don't have to own it. I hope nobody is considering buying it for me... DON'T.

Maybe if I've got a steady income.. i have some extra money to spend... I would pamper myself... but right now, deriving pelasure from pampering myself on other people's expense is definitely not me. For now.. I'm just fine the way i am :)


Realization...

Over the past few years, I've learned so much of life. This year has been most rewarding... what i learned this year has made significant changes in me... Thank you, Allah.

I am happy with what I have... i wish to be everyday forward :)