Clueless

Clueless

I dn't know wat's the real situation... never been told. Tried asking but let it go when there was no answer. Made me sad... thinking of all the possibilities... i can't help thinking the worst. It had been so long since i felt that sad. I cried driving home... not much tears.. i was trying to control myself coz my fren is waiting for me at home.

My fren was there... She saw the difference. Asked why... I refused to answer... went into my room... laid down on the bed, under the pillows, trying to calm myself. She knew better and remained silence beside me. I dn't think she' d guess why, unless she knew what i talked about to my other fren before i came home.

At that moment.. it was hard for me. Then, i thought better. we don't have all the time in the world to live our life. we don't know for sure what's going to happen next... might as well live while we can. Make life better... at least for others, if not for myself. I'd do just that.

There was a big change in my priority list... I'm doing the best i could. I want to make the change. It was a good change for me. I will learn to appreciate. I'll continue to find the side of me that i never knew exists... the me that i think is the best i could be in my whole lifetime. I don't feel obligated... i want to do it... sincerely. and i never felt so good. I pray for the best.

One thing i never thought possible... is possible. I can actually feel so happy and so sad at the same time. It is a mix of the most extreme of emotions.

We need distractions to get our minds off the things that bother us... ignorance is a welcomed bliss though it doesn't come often. But when it does... it feels great.. just simply living. It's kind of balanced off now. But if anything should happen to disrupt the balance, I would not want to think of what would happen... I know it'd hurt so bad. I know I'd be so sad. But now, i prefer to take it one day at a time... i'll deal with it when the time comes. I believe it would make me a better person tomorrow, each and every morrow.



If i couldn't live it any longer, I'd rather have the lasting memories of living it short.