Worried

Worried...

I dn't think i will be updating on the phuket trip... can't seem to recall the details.. all i can recall is it was fun n i was happy :) so let's leave it to that.

But back to reality... after a week of living the memories of phuket... we're all back in the real world. Back to the same old feeling.

My feeling.. of course i'm happy with the holiday, exam result and all. But still.. i do have some feelings that would bring me down at times.. when i'm reminded of some things especially when it concerns my fren, A. Yes, i know i said im trying to accept things as it is.. i'm going to respect and remain clueless of the real situation... but can't help it.. i do worry... she's a close fren.

A's going thru a tough time... wish i could help but she needs her space... so i'll wait til she asks. I'm grateful she keeps me updated on certain conditions... at least i know something rather than making my own assumptions and freak out. but the smses are not coming as often as before... so i thought i should not text her too much lest she gets annoyed and decided to shut me out. I am fine with the little i get... i am happy that i hvn't done anything to make the situations worse (as some of her frens did).

She did tell me that some of her frens were making her upset... she showed me some of their smses before.. but i couldn't grasp what she's trying to tell me since i wasn't well informed of the whole situation... she expects me to figure it out (coz most of the time i would understand before she even speaks)... well, i tried but i just can't see the whole picture when there are some missing pieces... wat i get is dislike for those frens i had never met but only heard of... i wish i could knock some sense into them and make them see it the way i do but come to think of it, they might have had too much information and that too, maybe the reason why i wasn't given enough info. so as i always tell her... "watever makes u happy..." ... if not letting me in on some things makes her happy, so be it. i'm fine.


Once.. she asked me "why are u the only one who's always with me?" ... i can't remember how i answered that since it wasn't a relevant answer. i had several choices...

"i dn't have anything to do anyway..." ... that would be my standard answer.
"so i know that u're ok... so i don't freak out or anything".. 2nd choice
"coz i am the best available fren" .. that would be my 3rd choice.
"who would u expect to be here when i'm not here?".. and i know the answer to that so it would be my last choice.
"coz when i die.. i want to make sure there is at least one person that would tell my mom that i was a good fren, she did a good job raising me" .. of course i would never speak these words.

I gave an irrelevant answer instead... coz i know she wasn't expecting an answer. It was a statement, not a question.


Other things...
I made a statement somewhere last night about something without getting into details. I was upset over something some people said to me over the last few days... so A asked me on YM if i was ok today... "i'm always ok... if i'm not ok, it'll just be a while.. coz i 'pelupa'...".. and that's true despite the fact that i was attempting to humor her.. which is good coz i don't get upset for long unless there's a constant reminder.

About the statement... Some people expect me to do things as others do... but i don't do it like others... and where i live... that does not apply ok... i am supposed to do what i WANT to do. I'm free to make decisions. But when they keep bugging me... i tend to rebel.. so let's see how it goes with what i've planned for myself. I hate it when i have to do these kind of things.. coz trying to fullfil others expectations would end up having myself hurt some way or another.


Wat's happening while i'm blogging...
A's been quiet with the YM & smses... suddenly quiet. Well, that makes me worry... i'm hoping she dozed off after her sleepless night last night... but part of me thinks that she had fainted somewhere in the house (at least i know she's in the house.. last time i heard). I'll get to hear of it tomorrow or when she's awake (as always).. so i'll wait ('tho i've sent a few smses but to no avail)..

earlier, I wanted to ask her to come sleep over... coz when i don't feel right, i would make her sleep over so i cn keep an eye on her (most of the time she listens to me)... but tonight my house is in a BIGGGG mess after the relatives' invasion and i think it would definitely not make her feel better. Since my parents are back... she may just not like the prospect of my mom asking too many questions. So i didn't ask... i'm regretting it now.


updates on KI...
i listened to the demo of her new single... it was JUST ok. If she's lucky, it'll be a hit... in my opinion it would not make a huge impact (if any)... i told her "ok la..." i hope she gets that i didn't think it is a good song choice to break into the industry... tried to imagine her voice singing it... NOPE! So i told her.. let me give u 2 new songs.. either she choose from those two or find another similar to it. I would have to constantly tell her that 1st impression is the lasting impression... once u failed to launch, u're back to square one. But i'm not the one to give opinions am i? they never listen before so i don't think they will now. KI may listen to wat i hv to say... but when others talk, my words aren't words anymore. When people don't bother to listen to what i have to say... i couldn't care less.

She asked me to go to the FC gathering... i had told her before of my conditions if she wants me anywhere.. so don't think i'll be going.. or if i'm going, i'm going to make it big.