Some are best kept...

Some things are best kept to myself...

I cn't really tell the whole story since Im not supposed to talk about it (i choose not to).

"Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul" goes the old Malay saying... Btw, I'm the one on the 'memandang' side... looking on the 'memikul' fren. It hasn't been a burden on me to look on my fren.. I wanted to look on... coz i care. Some may say why i do so much for some of my frens... it's bcoz i believe I was meant to lighten the burden as a fren and i truly believe they deserve the care and attention. It makes me feel normal coz that is life... we go thru different phase, we meet diffferent people.. and all those experiences made me a better person.

It makes me look thru different perspectives in life. How staying positive helps and how being too positive makes some ignorants. Life is not always about sunshine and comfort of the home... life means more when u look outside the window and see that the lawn needs some mowing. I can just watch the grass grow or do something to make it nicer, to enhance the living experience.

When a fren goes thru hard times... all the hurt and pain. Inside, badly, i wanna reach out to comfort. But then, im not used to doing that... i am very new to these gestures since i never had to use it before now... i regret that i haven't practiced til now. And when a fren close oneself from one's surrounding... close all the emotion inside... it's very hard for me to know what I can or should do to help. In the end, I turned out the fren that's jus hanging by the side, watching. JUST WATCHING! And that is so frustrating coz i don't know how to tell when a fren needs a pat, a hug or even a smile. The only thing i know i can do... is making myself available 24/7... anywhere, everywhere. I'd rather pass the time doing nothing but watching... rather than not being able to see and wonder and worrying.