Somethings are not to be spoken of

Somethings are not to be spoken of...

When i wirte in the blog... of something so deep and emotional... it means that im not able to keep it inside... i need to let it out. It also means that i don't want to really talk about it, that's why i TYPE in this blog. Coz i know when i talk, i won't be able to speak coz i'd break down. That IS why i type.

I thought that not so many of my frens are still reading the blog.. seems that i've gained a few new readers that i know of. That is good to know. Thanks for reading... and thanks for ur concern. I received an sms the morning after i posted the previous post... She probably didn't know but i was crying when i was repling the smses. It was very hard for me to sms let alone talk about it. I hope u understand why i don't want to tell... it is too hard. I do appreciate ur concern.. i'm glad i have frens that care.. u r a good fren... im sorry, but it's too hard.

I went out.. hangout with a few frens in AD... i wanted their company. It helps me coz they are good distraction... i really need it. S understands me well.. she has been a good fren, a good listener all these years... she knows most of me. It was good... talking about everything and nothing at all... the jokes, the laughter. It was nice.

But F suddenly talks about my blog... she was asking of my blog address.. so i thot she hadn't read. But later, she said she read it and it has been a topic of conversation between her & MD. Ok.. i don't know wat she's trying to tell me... but i guess she was trying to have me talk about it. I'm really sorry... i can't. It got me sad... coz it reminded me of my fren. I was trying hard to act like it didn't affect me... but i was sad... i cried otw home. I wasn't upset or anything... it was my mistake for 'speaking' to this blog in the 1st place. I'm sorry...

And i got an sms from my fren... she said i don't sound good. I replied.. "hah? how did u hear how i sound (coz i hadn't talk to her today) ? i'm ok.. cm biasa je" ... she replied "The way u sms.." ... ok, so now she cn read me thru my sms. so i replied that it was some minor thing while hanging out.. i was a bit down... but i'm ok, im otw bck. of course i didn't tell her the details.. but i think she guessed right coz the reply is so off topic! (im not going to write wat she replied).. i replied "knapa tetiba sms cmni?" coz so takde kena mengena... the reply was ":P" then, "i kan drama queen hehehe" ... well, thanx for buat2 tak tahu coz u know i don't want u to know about it.


I can't wait for the bandung trip... hopefully nobody is asking me to talk. These days... ive been dehydrated or so i thought... thanx to the fact that i cn't keep my tears from flowing out so easily. Pls don't make me cry...

I'm lucky to have frens that care such as u girls... thanx for being there, thanx for understanding... If u can't stand me anymore, let me know, i'll make myself disappear... but hopefully u can stand me for a long time... coz i really want it that way :)

XOXO