... til december

December will be the last month for this phase of my life...

Nobody really knows this... but as i close out the phases, i'll leave behind a few close frens. It's not that i dn't love them.. they didn't convince me enuff that i was still needed as a close fren... so we grew apart... coz i don't normally go where i'm not needed. But they remain good frens... we keep in touch... but we don't share anything personal anymore.

The closest to me in school... i never see her after we left school... been 9 years. AND when i started my mba, she went to class a floor below the grad biz school i'm attending... she didn't know, of course. Right now... it's just SMSes on her birthday.

During Matrix... a few frens & me made up a very well-known close knit frens @ the college. Well i dn't see them after i went to uni. We lost touch after a few years. I bumped into one at Ikea last year... kept in touch for a few months.. then, that was it. Too late... we grew apart too long ago. These people... not even an sms now :(

Uni... the closest wud be L. She provided for my every need during the 3 years of under-grad life... she was the best a person cud ask in a fren. I asked a lot... she gave a lot & never ask for anything. i still keep in touch with her... but hvn't seen her for a long time... coz she's busy with her family... hubby & 2 kids, way down south. I wish her well. I'm planning to go see her when i hv the chance :) .. and i know she'll be the same person i saw 3 years ago. This fren.. we talked on the phone once in a while. I think i'm going to call her tomorrow :D

I always make it a point to stay in touch with them... but then the consequences aren't alwys right. I just have to hv assurance... i need people to ask for my company... coz i won't ask. I have trouble explaining why... coz i really don't know. Maybe i am insecure... maybe i think they're better off without me tagging along or hanging on the side. Maybe i think they're gud frens & i've had the pleasure of their company... i shud let some other people hv them. or maybe i hate calling people up... coz i always call at the wrong time. Maybe it's the distance... they live so far away. well, i don't know... i cud come up with one hudred reasons and i wouldn't really know which one is real.

As always... going to a new phase... i'll make myself promise to keep my frens as close as possible. I think i'd do it better this time. Hoping that they still need me and make it known to me. I made this promise the last time... but i failed, largely due to some 'distractions'.. i got rid of all those. I think i've never been better... looks positive :) Hopefully i'm not loosing anybody anymore as i move on. I hv better judgment, i am a better person, more appreciative now. OK.. we'll see how it goes.. next year, when i read this post... i'll know how i've managed.

What is today... isn't the same, one day forward... isn't as nice as one day before...

But of course there are some i still keep in touch with... a few of my frens from school are now my close frens (it gets better thru the years).. coz we live close to each other. BR frens are always there... coz the lepak sessions are never-ending (it's been that way from the beginning so nothing has changed). The close frens now... the frens closest to me now.. since we see each other almost everyday... it won't be the same when it's not that often... just hope we could adjust coz i know it will not be the same. Since the distance is not a problem.. i guess we cn grow to be great frens & achieve our dreams :) Right now, i'm positive i'm capable of that.


Note to my frens...

Sorry if it hasn't been the same..
Sorry if i hurt u...
That is just me... ur fren.
U accepted me then, maybe u'll learn to accept me now.
If u're familiar with my written words...
..u'd know i need to see u're there.
..u'd know i dn't like to be less than what i was.
..u'd know i desperately need ur help in this.
So please...
.. hang around closer.
.. leave me no space to doubt.
.. pull me in.
When it's impossible... Pls try to forgive me.
When it's lost... thank you for the friendship.

...til december... of 50 years to come ;)